What Do You Think of This READ Rate 1-10?
Question by <3: what do you think of this READ rate 1-10?
i wrote this for h/w,
im wondering what you think of it, just read it,
tell me if i should take something out because it think i want to shorten it, and just tell me what you think of it. is it good great bad …
rate it 1 – 10 10 being the best 1 being terrible
thankkks cupcake
The Freedom Writers Diary by Erin Gruwell presents how a teacher and 150 teenagers used writing to change themselves and the world around them. “She opened up their eyes and they opened up their lives” (Times Newspaper). The Freedom Writers Diary is the unforgettable true story of strength, courage and achievement. In the fall of 1994 at Woodrow Wilson High School in Long Beach, California, a twenty-four year old teacher named Erin Gruwell faced her first group of students. They were what other teachers called “unteachable, at-risk” teenagers. The class was diverse, filled with African Americans, Latinos, Caucasians, Cambodians and Vietnamese students. Many had grown up in rough neighborhoods. In the first few weeks, the students made it very clear that they were not interested in what Mrs. Gruwell has to say and they even made bets about how long she would last in their classroom. “I give her a month” (Gruwell 7). When a racial picture of one of the African-American students went around the classroom, Erin Gruwell angrily took it and compared it to the Nazi attacking Jews during the Holocaust. To her amazement, many of the students had never heard of the Holocaust. When she asked how many in her class had been shot at, almost all of them raised their hand. She introduced them to many books about tolerance and diversity. At first the students were not sure if they wanted to read these books but soon, they were comparing their lives to the other kids in the stories who, like them, were surrounded by violence. With Mrs. Gruwell’s “crazy teaching ideas”, the students now began to keep their own anonymous diaries, recording their heartbreaking stories about drug use, physical and mental abuse, family troubles, how they now felt like family in this class and they recorded their thoughts about Erin and her unusual teaching methods. As soon as they named themselves “The Freedom Writers,” the students changed from a group of not interested, discouraged, frustrated students to a close, motivated family.
Best answer:
Answer by anna
That was good! I would give you a 7/10. Here is where I took off points:
The first quote from Times is oddly placed (a floating quote). It felt like it came out of nowhere. Maybe incorporate it as part of another sentence.
Shortening it would probably be better because right now, I feel like I’m reading the back of the DVD.
The tenses change. You go from present tense to past tense (eg. the students now began, which confuses the time). Go through it and change everything to present tense, if this is a review or summer (eg. when a racial picture of …GOES around the classroom, …angrily TAKES it and COMPARES it …) It will make a world of difference.
“crazy teaching ideas” does not have a citation
Good points: It’s fairly well written at a high school level.
It is very good at summarizing the story.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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