Drug Treatment Centers in Long Beach

Question by Skye: To other recovering or struggling drug addicts, do you ever feel like there’s nothing to look forward to now?
I’ve been clean for a while now with a couple of relapses off of mainly Heroin (along with prescription painkillers, Cocaine, and alcohol). I don’t feel joy anymore. Things that used to bring me pleasure before drugs, just don’t anymore. I used to love like going to the beach and playing with my pets but now I don’t even want to do that. It’s a struggle to even get out of bed anymore. I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety which got worse from years of abusing my body with substances. It’s like there is something wrong with my mind. I can’t work. I’ve tried different jobs but I always start crying at work if the littlest thing goes wrong and I can’t stop. I’m on disability which goes to my Mom to help pay for my expenses. I’m 35. I’m still somewhat attractive which is remarkable considering what I’ve gone through. I was very attractive in my 20’s and all my self-esteem revolved around attention I got from men. Now that I’m not as hot as I used to be (cont’d)
I don’t feel good about myself. I’ve slowly tried to get back into things I used to love but like I said, the enjoyment is gone. I have to force myself to even take a walk. I thought about taking Prozac but I don’t think it’d help much. I’ve destroyed any credit I’ve had. I owe thousands and thousands of dollars to creditors that I’ll never be able to pay back from spending so much money on drugs. I’ve ruined my relationship with my Mom from stealing so much from her. She still can’t trust me at all. I feel terrible about it. I have a bf who is struggling with trying to get off of Heroin. We’ve been dating for 8 years now and we can’t afford to live together or get married. I have to live at home still. I want kids but I’m not mentally stable enough to care for them at this stage in my life but my biological clock is ticking. My health isn’t good either. I used to have a lot going for me. I had only one year left for a 4 year college degree! (cont’d)
Sorry about going on an on about how sorry I feel for myself. I know there are MANY people out there in MUCH worse situations than myself. I’m lucky to have a Mom that will still take care of me even after what I’ve done to her. I live in a nice house and still have a nice clothes and car (although I can’t drive it for another 6 months due to my first DUI). I tried AA and NA but it didn’t help! We can’t afford rehabs and I’m not using much anymore so that really isn’t somewhere I need to go. I’ve been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist but they haven’t been much help. I find it difficult to talk to them about my problems. I’m just hoping maybe someone can give me some words of encouragement that felt like I do or does feel like I do. I could really use it. I’m very depressed… Please help.    Read more...